


Coming Home

by soundofthestars



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Blood and Violence, Gen, M/M, Non-Consensual Violence, Phan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 16:51:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10903491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soundofthestars/pseuds/soundofthestars
Summary: Dan Howell had been kidnapped. Phil struggled to cope, struggled to keep hoping.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Violence.

_"You've given me the world and now I'll give you what you deserve. Closure. A chance to move on."_  
   
Phil watched the video that Dan had left him for the thousandth time. It didn't make it any easier, no matter how many times he watched it. The tears still slipped down his face. His shoulders still shook with sobs as he shut the lid of his laptop again, cradling his only link to Dan left. Sure, the house was littered with Dan's things and his bed was still left unmade, but from this he could delude himself into thinking that Dan would find his way back home.  
   
_"As you know I'm still missing... Obviously." A man's voice barked at Dan in the background. There was an indignant look in his eyes as they flickered back to the camera. A small, forced smile curved his mouth. His expression softened. "It's been two months and I miss you more than I can even express. God, I miss you, Phil-" Dan's voice broke and so did his composure. There was a skip in the clip._  
   
Dan now had a red mark on his cheekbone. Someone had hit him. The look in his eyes was defiant, however. The only way to break Dan for good was to kill him. "Do it again, I enjoyed it." Dan set his jaw and a hand from off camera swung at him. The image was cut off abruptly. Another skip.  
   
His best friend now bore a split lip.  
   
_Droplets of blood fell down his chin. "Thanks, Reynolds. Just what I needed."_  
   
Each time Phil watched this, he wanted to scream at Dan to stop provoking the man off the camera. But what was the point in yelling at a video clip?  
   
_A knife was held to Dan's neck. There was a flash of fear. Tears welled up in his eyes. "I wanted to die at one point in my life. But not anymore. I don't want to die. Don't kill me."_  
   
"Hurry up." The man snapped.  
   
"I love you so much, Phil. I'm relatively safe for now, but... I probably won't make it out of this alive." Dan sobbed and looked up at his kidnapper. "C-cut that part out, please. Please." The man obviously hadn't complied with Dan's wishes. He was sobbing now, unable to hide his face. So he bowed his head, chin against his chest. His shoulders shook.  
   
Phil always stopped here and cried for hours before he could even think about continuing. Seeing Dan like this was one of the worst moments of his life. There was no way to comfort him.  
   
_Once composed, Dan continued with red eyes. "I just needed to tell you that you'll find someone to become best friends with again and maybe you'll even fall in love. I'll be so happy for you. You're a beautiful person and I'm so happy.. so happy I fell in love with you. I'm just sorry I didn't tell you." His voice faltered. "You light up the room with your smile. They'll get to know you and then the rest will be history." The long silence that followed was broken by the man swatting his hand at the back of Dan's head. "Please believe me when I say that I need you to move on. Clear my room out, pick up my things, and throw them away. Don't look back... Because I'm not." He looked exhausted, much less alive than at the beginning of this video._  
   
Had he given up?  
   
_The video cut out._  
   
That last part got Phil every time.  
   
He knew Dan wasn't looking back because he was certain he was going to die. Dan's eyes had grown dull towards the end. But even when faced with danger Dan was still trying to make sure Phil would be happy in the future.  
   
Phil decided he wouldn't take Dan's advice this time. Instead it was time to make his move.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Violence and implied violence?

"What do you mean _'the trail is cold'_?" Phil snapped, slamming his fist on the officer's desk. He was fuming. This wasn't right. It had only been two months. How could the trail be cold? They watched the clip Dan had sent him. They had watched it a million times over. "Can't you do some voice recognition thing on the man?"

"Mr. Lester, don't you think we tried that already? We're doing as much as we can." The officer spoke gently. Phil pressed his palms against his shut eyelids, groaning. "His parents already stopped by asking the same questions. Please go get some rest. We have this under control."

"Under control? Obviously not. And rest? My best friend is gone. He's not at home, awake at four in the morning as I sleep. How can I fall asleep without him there?" Phil stormed out of the room, eyes rimmed red. How did anyone expect him to sleep with Dan gone? Sure, they didn't share a bed (on many occasions), but knowing Dan was just across the hall or in the lounge made it easier to fall asleep. But now the silence coming from Dan's room was deafening. The flat was empty. Dan couldn't be heard playing the piano or pacing around.

In his car Phil felt himself losing his composure again. He slammed his palms against the steering wheel in frustration, mouth opening with silent sobs. It was so lonely. Phil had taken to sleeping in Dan's bed these past few weeks, but the smell of Dan was fading the more he slept in there.

Making his move was more of a challenge than he would have thought.

Once home, Phil dragged his blankets into the hall and curled with his back pressed to Dan's door. He sobbed, unable to stop until he was just a shell of the man he used to be, eyes staring blankly at his own door. Why couldn't it have been him? Why was it Dan? Dan had never done anything horribly wrong.

**TWO (more) MONTHS LATER**

Dan ran. He ran and ran and he ran, ignoring the bleeding gash on his forehead. He was so weak already, his knees ready to give out. Dan's cracked lips split as his lips twitched. Freedom was his. Finally.

...Until it wasn't.

A pair of arms grabbed him roughly around the torso. They went falling to the forest floor. Dan struggled, broken fingernails scratching uselessly at the man's arms. "Let go!" His voice was hoarse, throat aching and dry. A scream tore free from his lungs. The man's arms tightened threatening to crush Dan.

"Shut up." The man hissed before Dan's world went dark.

-

When he was conscious again, Dan looked around wildly. He was back to square one. The basement. But this time he wore handcuffs on his ankles and wrists. How ridiculous. Like this would stop him. He started to twist his wrists in the cuffs, already planning another escape. But then the door at the top of the stairs opened. That _did_ stop Dan.

Feet started down the steps.

Dan's heart pounded and he curled up into a tight ball, starting to cry quietly once more.

He was completely defiant one minute and ready for it all to end the next. There was no middle ground where he felt okay.

And right now, he was ready for everything to end. His fear was swallowing him whole. This man was terrifying and Dan had gone too far.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I found this song and broke my own heart.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rU7WPVcLmQ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit disturbing! Mature! Proceed with caution!  
> (Mention of death, getting sick, abuse..)

Four months.

Four months and no sign of Dan.

Phil dry-heaved over the toilet (again), his tired body aching. He had too much to drink the night before and not enough food. The usual as of late. His body was deteriorating because of this. His hair was dull, face gaunt, and knees always on the verge of buckling from underneath him.

"Phil, hun, you need to change something soon before you end up in the hospital." His mum spoke quietly from the doorway. Phil set his jaw, annoyed.

"I'm packing his things away, mum, how much more change do you want me to make?" Phil wiped his mouth out of habit and turned to face her as quickly as he could without falling over. "I can barely get through _this_. He's not gone, so why are they making me give his things back? It's not right. He's still alive. He's coming back home."

Dan _was_ still alive. He knew it... and to be honest, Phil didn't know if that was a good thing anymore. Of course he wanted Dan back, but he also knew that he was god-knows-where, suffering god-knows-what. Phil's knees gave at the thought and he leaned over the toilet again, emptying whatever was left in his stomach. His mother rubbed his back comfortingly. Her hands were shaking. Phil felt bad for making his mother worry, but he couldn't move on like this was some simple breakup.

Pretty soon he'd have to make his way back into Dan's room to start packing his things away. Just as Dan had asked. The lounge was already almost finished. Phil groaned, leaning into his mother's warm embrace. He shut his eyes.

Sleep was starting to sneak up on him for once.

"Help me up?" Phil whispered. Once on his feet, he trudged to Dan's room and shut the door before his mother could follow him in. The door probably shut in her face, but he didn't care right now. He locked the door and hesitantly took a step towards the other's bed. Should he? Just once more? After this Friday there would be no proof that Dan had ever lived here except in pictures he found on his phone and the movies that he would end up keeping just to remember the things they bought together.

Phil fell onto the bed and carefully pulled Dan's black and gray duvet over him. The scent of Dan was almost gone. "Sorry." Phil whispered into the soft fabric. "I'm so sorry."

In that moment Phil realized he was saying a goodbye of sorts. That thought overtook his mind. He hoped that Dan would have a quick death. No suffering. He was probably so tired by now. So much more tired than Phil.

His vision blurred with unshed tears, chest tightening painfully. He clenched his hands around the blanket covering him. Phil buried his face on Dan's pillow, crying tears he thought had dried out. Was he the worst friend ever to exist? How could someone wish death for their best friend? The ache in Phil's chest worsened. He hid under the blanket, stifling his sobs. Did this have to be his final goodbye?

-

Phil thought he heard the piano across the room echo a haunting tune that Dan often played right after Phil retired to his room for the night. Dan would always laugh after a few refrains and switch to a calming lullaby. That was all that stuck in Phil's mind now. How he wished he could have sat in here with Dan when he played. The expression on Dan's face was always so carefree, his laugh light but loud. Free.

Phil drifted to sleep with the sound of Dan's laugh growing quieter in his head.

His sleep was filled with dead silence.

**Dan's POV**

The cuffs had rubbed Dan's wrists raw, but the pain was nothing compared to the pain in Dan's ribs. They had taken the brunt of the man's blows just a few minutes ago. They were surely already bruising.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Dan shrieked once the flurry of fists and feet had stopped raining down on him. "I just needed to see Phil. Can I see Phil? Please.." His pleas fell on deaf ears. Or so he thought.

"You want to see your friend?" The man knelt down and grabbed a fistful of Dan's hair, forcing Dan to look up at him. Dan kept quiet, holding in his cries. The man's thumb brushed a tear away gently but the twisted smile scared Dan more than the soft touch. "You have such pretty eyes, Dan. Phil must like them a lot." His thumb moved more slowly across his bottom lid, the smile growing at Dan's realization.

Dan trembled, eyes widening in fear. His heart was pounding, growing bigger, stopping the air from reaching his lungs. Dan's vision dimmed momentarily as the panic consumed him. The man leaned in and pressed his lips to Dan's forehead softly. "Be a good boy and I'll think about another harmless video, okay?"

And with that, he was heading towards the stairs. Dan started to gasp despite the pain it caused. He couldn't stop. "Please help me.." Dan ended up sobbing into the crook of his elbow, teeth biting into his sleeve to quiet the noise.

Daniel didn't want to see the blue-eyed man again.  
Either of them.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blood, violence (what's new?), abuse, swearing! Mature!

**Dan’s POV**  
   
_“Oh, Danny boy~”_  
   
Dan jolted up into a sitting position, eyes darting around in the dark. Where was the voice coming from? How close was he? “How are you today, _Danny boy_?” The voice was right beside his ear now. Dan shuddered, leaning away as far as he could. “How cold. And here I was, going to get us ready to make a video to send to your friend..” The light flickered on. Dan’s ankle cuffs were unlocked.  
   
“I don’t want t-to.” Dan managed to get out before his throat closed tight with fear again. He pulled his arms and legs closer to his body, everything aching.  
   
“I don’t care what you want, Dan. No one cares.” The blue-eyed man’s mood did a 180. Again. It happened quite frequently. Dan was always on edge because of it. He grabbed Dan’s arm roughly and dragged him up the stairs.  
Dan looked around once out of the basement, trying to memorize everything again. The sun streaming in from the small windows made his eyes ache, but he struggled through the pain. Straight across the hall was another door. The closet. He knew that from his last attempted escape. Down the hall to the right was the bathroom and a doorway that lead to the kitchen. To the left was the lounge… along with the door to his freedom. He was dragged up more stairs. His shins collided painfully with the wooden steps when he couldn’t keep up. Dan let himself fall limp when they reached the top of the stairs, with the hopes that the man would let go. He only hoisted Dan over his shoulder, nails purposefully cutting into his side. Dan was too weak to put up much of a fight so he went quietly.  
   
-

Dan was set on a cold metal chair. The man took his handcuffs off only to strap his wrists to the arms of the chair. His ankles were tied to the legs.

“So, do you prefer Dan or Daniel?”

Dan was silent.

“You will answer me. Understand?” A cold blade pressed into the side of Dan’s face, the tip of the knife too close to his eye for comfort.  
   
“Daniel.” Dan tilted his head away, chest rising and falling quickly, breath coming in short gasps. Sweat was already beading at his hairline.  
   
“Dan it is.” The man slipped the blade down Dan’s face almost sensually. He let the knife drop away and pulled out a phone. “Want to Skype your friend for a few minutes first?”  
   
Dan shook his head vigorously, knowing that Phil would start crying. Dan didn’t want to see that. He wanted to see the Phil that was smiling. He wanted to die with that Phil in his mind, not the one that missed him. The blue-eyed man dropped his phone on the desk across the room and opened his computer. He was humming some old tune as he set up a small table in front of Dan. He pressed call after he set the computer down. A twisted smile rested on his face.  
   
Almost immediately the call was answered.  
   
“How can you be–” Phil started, voice filled with anger. It must’ve been Dan’s account. His voice cut off abruptly. But Dan refused to look at the screen, refused to raise his head. “Dan? Dan! Oh my god, Dan!” God, how he missed that voice.  
   
“Stop being impolite.” The violent man whispered, staying out of view. Dan didn’t listen. A palm connected with his cheek and another hand wrapped around his neck loosely. He looked to Phil reluctantly.  
   
The sight that met him was one that would haunt him forever.  
   
Phil looked so sick. The bags under his eyes were almost purple, his cheek bones prominent. His eyes were puffy and bloodshot. And his hair… it wasn’t silky and shiny. It was a birds nest. The older male was crying… blubbering really. “Look at him.” Anger bubbled up at the laugh that sounded from behind him. Dan wanted to scream. This was _his_ fault.  
   
Dan couldn’t look away from Phil even if he wanted to.  
   
Was it because he was gone? Was that why Phil was like this?  
   
“D-Dan.. I-I lov-ve you, too.” Phil managed.  
   
Dan trembled, the will to fight starting to stir. “Sh-shut up.” He strained to get his voice to work. He was going to die here. Phil saying that meant nothing anymore. It was too late for Dan. If he escaped, he would only catch him. That’s how it always worked.  
   
“I m-miss you… I miss you.” Phil repeated himself over and over until his voice was clear. His hands visibly shook as they wiped away his tears. Dan wanted nothing more than to wrap his sore arms around Phil and hold him close.  
   
“Stop.” Dan pleaded softly, tears welling up and spilling down his face. “Please.”  
“Don’t be a little bitch.” A calloused hand ran through Dan’s hair gently before grabbing a fistful and tilting his head back. Dan looked up at him, forcing Phil out of his mind. Tears continued to slip down his face however. A finger traced down Dan’s neck, over his Adams apple. Dan shuddered more violently than earlier. The look on the face looming above him was one full of adoration. “I can make you happy.”

Dan shook his head. What a load of bullshit. “Let me go home then, Kai.”

The man’s eyes lit up and a smile danced on his lips. The use of his name seemed to please him.  
“This is your home, Dan.”  
   
“My home is with Phil.”  
   
Wrong thing to say.  
   
“Don’t touch him!” Phil begged as Kai pressed the blade to Dan’s neck firmly. Dan’s breath hitched in his throat. A drop of blood ran down his neck. Kai looked to Phil, crouching down now. There was a grin curving his lips. Dan hoped Phil was memorizing Kai’s face.  
“You’ll never find me, Phil. You’ll never get Dan back because he’s mine. Do you understand? Dan is dead to you. Accept it.”  
   
“I swear–” Phil was cut off as Kai ended the call with his face nuzzled against Dan’s neck.

-

Kai moved away quickly and glared at Dan. He trailed the knife to Dan’s temple. Dan’s skin stung.  
   
“I could end your pathetic life.”  
   
“Do it, then.” Dan sniffled. Phil’s image was burned into his brain. The other looked heart-broken, his world crumbling down until all that was left was rubble. He wanted to forget Phil’s sad blue eyes and the ones burning into his skin right now. “I don’t care anymore.”  
   
“I’d rather make you suffer.” Kai flicked his wrist. The blade nicked Dan’s skin. Again and again. Dan cried quietly, hands gripping the arms of the chair until his knuckles turned white. “Phil is pathetic, isn’t he? Cant move on from a plain boy like you. But I guess I understand. With a smile like yours, you look so kissable.”  
   
Dan turned his head away from Kai so his lips touched his cheek instead of his lips. “Another time then, love. Ready to make a video now?”

Dan steadied his breathing, but he was shaking to the core. He didn’t even get to say goodbye to Phil this time. That hurt more than any injury he could have received.  
   
But Dan was wrong.  
   
There was always a greater pain.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Abuse and swearing. Also, a slight breakdown? (Don't know if it needs a warning, but I'll add it, just in case.)

Phil couldn't breathe.  
   
He rocked back and forth, tears making his vision blurry. Dan had been there. Right there. Just on the other side of the screen. It was like in the past when they skyped for hours on end. But that had come to an end when they met in person. Would that happen this time around?  
   
An agonized sound tore free from Phil's chest. More followed immediately.  
   
The dam had finally broke.  
   
Phil leaned forward until his chest met his knees and his hands started to tug harshly at his hair.  
   
"Phil, what's wrong?" His mum appeared in the doorway. Her hair was messy as if she ran as fast as she could to reach his room. Phil was oblivious to her presence, continuing to pull at his hair and lose what hope he had left. "Phil!"  
   
But Phil was lost.  
   
**Dan's POV**  
   
The darkness was closing in. Dan tilted his head sluggishly to glance at Kai who was sitting beside him in a similar chair. He had finally stopped screaming. Finally gotten used to the pain in his head and chest.  
   
"Is this fun for you?" It hurt to speak. What made Kai tick? Why was he like this? Dan just wanted to know why he was locked up here. Was there a reason that he could sympathize with? Or was Kai just a psychopath consumed by his urges?  
   
The grin that lit Kai's face made Dan shudder. That was a look of pure amusement. There was no remorse for what he was doing. There was no indecision or conflict.  
   
"I live to see you break. How much suffering will it take to get you scream every time I reach for you? How much hurt can you handle before those eyes of yours lose that pretty little spark? I want to witness the moment you lose your hope."  
   
Dan shut his eyes as the world went dark.  
   
-  
   
"Dan, here's your food." Dan continued to lay on the cold basement floor as Kai's voice reached him from the top of the stairs. "Dan?"  
   
_"Dan? Where did you go?" Phil's voice rang throughout the flat. Dan stifled a laugh at Phil's concerned tone. Quiet footsteps echoed against the hardwood floor. Chills ran down Dan's back at how quiet Phil was being. This was thrilling. The older male knew that Dan was here. He knew that Dan was waiting for the perfect moment and yet he was still moving about the flat, playing along "Dan?"_  
   
_Dan jumped out from the doorway he was in a couple of minutes later, looking at the now terrified Phil. He had pedaled backwards about two feet, a hand clutching his chest. A laugh escaped Dan. Scaring Phil was never boring. A frown turned the corners of Phil's lips down, but Dan knew that he was about to laugh._  
   
_Phil's eyes always lit up, giving him away. His arms wrapped around Dan as he relaxed._  
   
_"That wasn't nice. I even brought you food from that Chinese take-out place."_  
   
_Dan smiled warmly, eyes shutting as he cherished the feeling of Phil's arms around him. The food didn't matter in this moment._  
   
_Then Phil let go too quickly, leaving Dan cold and missing the warmth._  
   
Dan stared at the food that Kai had placed in front of him. Chinese take-out. Tears pricked at Dan's eyes. It was Phil's favorite. Those goddamn eggrolls. Phil would eat those all day if he could. Kai unlocked Dan's wrist cuffs and then his ankle shackles. Dan continued to stare at the food blankly.  
   
"Eat up." Kai sat beside Dan. He was getting settled in. Dan, however, swiped his hand at the food. It spilled from the container onto the dirty floor. In the next moment Dan was curled up on the ground, hands covering his head as Kai kicked at him. "You don't want food? Fine. Starve. Maybe then you'll stop resisting me."  
   
"Go to hell!" Dan shouted as the door slammed behind Kai. "Go to hell.."  
   
One thing was certain though... Dan was unshackled and free to move around. Even if some of his ribs were broken he was determined to make it out of here this time. Pain was merely an illusion. Dan had to believe that for just a while. He wiped at the still bleeding gash on his head and carefully shifted so he could stand in a way that didn't cause him too much pain. Dan swayed dangerously once on his feet.  
   
There was probably time to sneak out. Hopefully. It wasn't as if Dan had anything to lose anymore. If he died it wouldn't come as a shock to his best friend. Phil was already prepared for such an ending.  
   
"Attempt two, here we go." He muttered weakly.  
   
But the door at the top of the stairs opened unexpectedly. Dan quickly hid farther in the shadows. It was fine. This was just another game with Phil. That's all.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mention of blood!

Phil was sat in a hospital room. The afternoon had slipped by, time meaning nothing to the man who was finally giving in to the reality of Dan not returning. No matter how much he fought against those thoughts they attacked him in unrelenting waves, pulling him under and leaving him gasping for air just when he found surface for a few moments. At least he was subdued. For now.  
   
His mum was sat in the chair beside his bed, her hair still a mess. He eyes were puffy from crying. She had been terrified and unsure what to do when she saw Phil breaking down finally.  
   
"S-sorry." Phil managed before his throat tightened. Tears slipped down his cheeks. God. He was so tired of crying. So tired of his emotions jumping from hopeful to hopeless in the blink of an eye. Phil felt guilty for dragging his mum into his downward spiral that seemed to never end. With a quiet groan Phil carefully slipped off of his bed and made his way into the bathroom. He stared into the mirror. Blue eyes stared back at him.  
   
Blue eyes.  
   
That twisted smile.  
   
Blond  hair.  
   
Phil's fist connected with the mirror before he realized what he was doing. Shock shot through his body as he pulled his hand away from the cracked glass. He had received a few small scratches and slightly bloody knuckles. His mum was there in seconds, grabbing his hand and holding it under the faucet.  
   
"His eyes were blue." Phil whispered. That was one thing that Phil knew for certain that Dan liked about him. Often, Phil would catch Dan staring at his face.  
   
But Kai's eyes were blue.  
   
"I'll grab an officer, okay? Please don't do anything except sit on your bed while I'm gone. I need you safe." His mum disappeared and a nurse appeared just a minute later. The look he gave Phil was one of sympathy. Phil looked away as his hand was cleaned and bandaged.  
   
Kai's face was embedded into his eyelids. That was the face that caused both Dan and Phil to feel such hopelessness. He wanted to forget it. Wanted to forget the way he hurt Dan. The nurse led Phil back to his bed.  
   
"Press that button if you need anything, okay?"  
   
Phil nodded absently, eyes watering as his mind drifted once more.  
 

Dan's POV  
   
"You can't escape me!" Kai yelled from halfway up the stairs as Dan slammed the basement door shut behind him, locking it immediately. Seconds later, Kai was slamming his fists against the door, laughing darkly.  
   
Dan had only just made it past Kai down there. He breathed heavily now despite the pain it caused him. His head was spinning from the blood loss as well. "W-watch me." Dan whispered. He forced the hope from his thoughts. How far could he get this time? Would Kai catch him? What would happen then?  
   
Dan knew the answer.  
   
He struggled not to injure himself further as he bolted from the house.  
   
-  
   
Dan's bare feet pounded against the ground as he pushed himself further from the house in the woods. He was in the middle of nowhere, but further than he had gotten before. Still, he pushed his hopes down. Only when he reached home would he relax.  
   
A vehicle started up in the distance. At that same moment his foot got caught on a root. He fell hard to the ground. His almost screamed at the pain shooting through his chest. His teeth bit down on his sleeve to muffle his whimpering. It hurt so much. A minute passed, Dan unable to move just yet.  
   
Carefully he shifted to stand up. Pain was merely an illusion. _An illusion_ , Dan repeated over and over. Everything was okay. He managed to get on his feet only to tip into the tree beside him. Dan held a hand over his temple as he started to move forward once more after regaining his balance.  
   
 _Just keep swimming_ , as Dory would say. And that's what he did. Even as the sound of the vehicle grew closer. Dan ducked behind a tree, willing himself to be invisible. If only. But Kai drove right on past. Once he was in the clear, Dan started to run again.  
   
The farther he ran the more tired he felt. His movements were becoming sluggish, eyelids staying shut longer each time he blinked. _Just a little more_ , Dan thought, desperate to reach another human being before Kai reached him. Hope had seeped its way into his mind. There was a chance for him yet.

But did he want it?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Death.

“Are you hungry?”  
   
Phil burrowed further under the hospital blankets ignoring the nurse in the doorway. The IV in his arm was annoying and he just wanted to go home, so no, he wasn’t hungry.  
   
“Please eat. It’s been a full day already.” His mum spoke softly from the chair beside the bed.  
   
“Not hungry. Can't I just go home?” Phil’s voice was muffled but he knew his mum could hear him. She always heard past his muttering and mumbling.  
   
“Not until you eat.”  
   
Phil didn’t move. Instead he shut his eyes and allowed himself to drift off…  
   
Not.  
   
Sleep refused to give Phil a reprieve from his thoughts. Thoughts that were endless and made his chest ache. He tensed up again, feeling his eyes start to burn once more. Phil bit down on his lip to stop the trembling, but his chin started quivering seconds later. After pulling his knees to his chest, Phil opened his mouth to take deep breaths. It hurt just as much to breathe, but he did it. A hand rubbed his back comfortingly. His shoulders shook with the ever-growing sobs that he so wanted to hold back. But he couldn’t. Yet again.  
   
“I want to sleep.” Phil sobbed. “I’m so tired, mum. I don't want to cry anymore. I'm so tired.”  
   
Silence met him. She knew what he meant, but could offer no words of comfort for her son. Tears slipped down her face, but her hand rubbed his back steadily, rhythmically.

**Dan's POV**  
   
Dan was frozen with fear. He had finally reached the road. But Kai had reached him as well. The man hopped out of his truck and stormed towards Dan. He doubled over as Kai’s fist connected with his stomach. Tears fell, but Dan had prepared for this moment. Kai shoved him to the pavement. Within the next second there was a gun pressed to his forehead. Dan was too weak to fight. It was useless anyway. You don’t bring a knife to a gun fight. And you certainly don’t go empty-handed.  
   
Angry blue eyes stared down at Dan. The hard look softened as Kai moved to pressed the barrel of the gun to Dan’s chest.  
   
“I love you.” Kai whispered.  
   
“I hate your entire existence.” Dan spoke vehemently, not regretting his last words to the man with the cold blue eyes.  
   
The sound of the gun was the last thing he heard.  
   
-  
   
“Son, what’s your name?”  
   
Dan came to, though his vision was hazy and his head pounding. His entire body ached, his chest on fire. Everything was muffled as well. “D-Dan.” He rasped before the lights and commotion became too much. The black waters pulled him back down under the surface.  
   
The darkness was suffocating. Dan wanted to give in, just so it would be over. The nightmares he’d have to live with would be literal hell if he survived. Plus Phil. He didn’t want to see Phil. Not anymore. Dan didn’t want Phil to see what had happened to him. The emotionless and over-emotional wreck that he had forced to become was not worth looking at.  
   
“He’s bleeding out! Quickly get–”  
   
Would it be okay if everything stopped? Tears slipped from the corners of his eyes.  
   
 **Phil's POV**  
   
Heart-wrenching sobs filled the air on his third evening in the hospital. That sound was so familiar. Phil bolted from his bed and out into the hallway, the IV having been ripped out of his arm in the process.

The sight that met him filled him with sorrow. Dan’s mother was in a heap on the floor while Dan’s father ran his hands over his face roughly, repeating that motion over and over and over. The doctor was still talking, knowing full well that the words fell on deaf ears. They had heard enough.  
   
Phil had seen enough. His knees gave from underneath him. Silently, he sobbed, body trembling. There was no sound to express this crushing feeling. His mind was in chaos. The day had come. It was finally here.  
   
It wasn’t until the doctor knelt down beside him and spoke gently that Phil found the chance to take a shallow breath to try to rid himself of the lightheaded feeling. It stayed however. And it grew worse.  
   
“He was in the ambulance… on the way here.. but he didn’t make it. I’m so sorry.”  
   
That hurt more than saying they found Dan’s body in a cabin in the woods. Dan had been alive. He had almost made it home.  
   
Phil felt the small hint of relief from having answers at last vanish in a heartbeat. It was replaced with the weight of the world, his world, pressing down on every part of his chest. An agonized, broken sob pierced the silence around him. Dan’s mother was screaming now, clawing at her husbands shirt, demanding to know why this happened. He shut his eyes to the scene.  
   
Phil’s mum pulled Phil half onto her lap, holding him close. His arms wrapped around her tightly, hands balled into fists. His nails cut into his palm, but all he could think about was how home would _never_ quite feel like home again.  
   
—

_“I love you, Phil.” Every night since they had moved in together Dan would whisper that before he disappeared into his room. Then he would pretend like he hadn’t said it the next morning. The night Phil had said it back was the night Dan had cried with happiness, a permanent smile on his face.  
   
“I love you, Phil.” Every night since Dan had been away from Phil he’d remember that smile and be content in the hours of silence that laid ahead. Phil never replied back, but that was okay. Phil knew he was loved.  
   
Even if Dan never said it again._  
   
-  
   
“I love you, too.” Phil breathed as he touched the lid of Dan’s coffin for the last time.  
   
 _Coming home wasn’t always a happy ending._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sad song:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrlIqGeXgAg  
> (Happiness by the Kilowatt- City and Colour)


End file.
